Imagine a world with no apologies. And no need for them.
Everyone just acted unapologetically, true to themselves, and in a way that expressed so much consideration for others that no apologies were necessary.
We weren’t late to appointments. We didn’t intentionally harm another. We considered other people’s feelings.
And we didn’t feel the need to apologize for our own inclinations, peccadillos, idiosyncrasies or being-ness. We just accepted ourselves and everyone else for who we are and who they are.
It’s like a mathematic or economic theory where the ideal is held as a constant in order to perform the calculation, e.g. that the market is “perfectly competitive” or that it has “perfect information” or that gravity, or space or other forces of nature are a constant. Okay, so the “perfect” version may not exist, but we can still act as such and conduct ourselves on the merits of that assumption of perfection.
What if we behaved in a “no apology” way? Which isn’t to say we should crush other people or inflict harm and not apologize for it. Rather, we can conduct ourselves and allow our interactions to be guided by the notion that we need not apologize for who we are, for our feelings, for our tears, for our mistakes. That we consider others in the equation, that we take the time to be on time, that we accept others for their uniqueness, that we accept life for what it is. Because like it or not, it is what it is and we are who we are and everyone else is going to be who they’re going to be.
Nature doesn’t apologize for itself. A hawk doesn’t apologize to the snake for hunting him for its own survival. The snake doesn’t apologize to the mouse for consuming him. And the mouse doesn’t apologize to the human for sneaking under the floorboards to swipe a crumble of cheese.
Which isn’t to say that these creatures don’t honor each other. Nature honors itself by the very act of being true to itself. True to its Nature. That IS Nature! The Earth doesn’t apologize for its volcanoes and earthquakes and floods. It doesn’t say it’s sorry for wreaking havoc on our way of life from time to time.
The need for an apology means the assumption of blame; taking on the responsibility for inflicting harm on another; for assuming you are the cause for another’s sadness, grieving or ire. I’m not talking sympathy, but rather, apologizing for the nature of our own experience.
If we don’t do harm, then there is no need to give an apology. If we don’t play the victim, then there is no need to receive an apology.
And what good is a demanded apology anyway? How meaningful is an apology when it’s obligatory; foisted upon us or we feel the need to apologize, to say the words even though we don’t feel we owe anyone an apology. Because we don’t.
And how often do we say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” What kind of apology is that? “I’m sorry that you feel something other than I what I feel?” That’s not saying your sorry for anything. How can you apologize for another’s feelings? And what’s the use in that?
There is a real, heartfelt, candid way to deliver an apology. And then there is the societal version that has been ingrained in us that devalues an apology to the point of worthlessness. So what’s the use?
Because God doesn’t do apologies. He does forgiveness. Acceptance. Gratitude. Grace.
But He doesn’t apologize for anything. Because He has no need to.
If we live in the an apology-free zone, then our thoughts, attitude, actions, words and deeds will be conducted in a way that doesn’t require apologies. We’ll be considerate, thoughtful and accepting. We’ll be in LOVE: with ourselves, everyone else and the very nature of the Universe.
When the nature of the Universe is love, where’s the need? If we remember that we come from love, and act from that place of love then loving kindness prevails. And who wants or needs to apologize for expressing, acting, feeling and being in love? Can you imagine?
“I’m sorry that I LOVE you…”
“I’m sorry that you LOVE me…”
“I’m sorry for LOVING myself…”
I don’t think so. And neither should you.
God needs not apologize. And needs no apologies in return. What would that sound like? “Sorry, God. I made a mistake. I’ll do better next time.” God already knows. He gets it. And he’s totally accepting of you and all your foibles and mistakes and learning and yearning.
Let’s be more like God. Even if it’s just a theoretical place for us to dwell within and from which to guide our Being.
Because the Universe—His Universe—is an apology-free zone. And we’re living in it.
No apologies. Try it. You’ll like it. And if you don’t, then I’m sorry that you feel that way.
Actually, no I’m not.
And neither should you be.